Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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