1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
