Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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