Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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