He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
