I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
