Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
