Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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