why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
