in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my liver is dry heaving
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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