Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
