He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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