True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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