just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
