I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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