This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was CRYING into my vagina
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
