what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sext me about skeletons
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
