its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
