I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
