i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
