Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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