thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
