Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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