you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
