I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i want to swaddle you in tequila
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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