I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
