I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
