We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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