I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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