you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
