I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
