Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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