i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
