k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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