I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
