I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
