You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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