bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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