at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
