I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
