Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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