ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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