Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
