Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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