but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
