I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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