She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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