you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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