he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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