She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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