Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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