he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
