And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
