Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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