I'll bet she douches with gravy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
