i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
