dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
