Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
