i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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