yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
