it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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