The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
